Its so difficult not to spend every day dwelling on the pain and trauma I’ve experienced in the past few years. The universe has thrown me blow after blow with no recovery time. How do I move on? Where do I find more strength?

Every girl I’ve ever gotten into a serious fight with has thought that I am the evil manipulative seed planted in everyone’s mind telling them to hate said girl. I only wish I had that kind of influence or strength.

As a child, the moral of the story was Yay! New pet! Life lessons I should have learned: giving is an endless cycle of being used.

Kindness

The only way I can continue to be a kind person without heartbreak is to assume that my kindness will never be repaid.  This might seem obvious to people less naive than me.

I am learning that friendship is relative, not absolute.  The term means something different for every person, with great variation.  For me, it means opening your heart and showing someone the acceptance and tolerance that they deserve.  It means helping and healing whenever that person needs me.

I have invested too much time, kindness and tolerance in those that don’t even possess the ability to return it.  

I realize

that I only have a day left until this is all over but I can’t handle his daily freak outs and how he constantly changes his mind about whether or not he’s on my side in this.  Don’t offer help if you can’t deliver.  Don’t end the night with frustrated criticism.  You know that I’m falling apart.  You know that I’m not trying to bark orders at you.  Now is not the time to make me cry.